Medication

I have always had a low tolerance to any kind of medication and this would be my cross to bear for a long time to come. I was given pills to help with my depression but the side effects were only making things worse. I was constantly in a state of dizziness already with my balance being impaired and the medication only enhanced it. The pain killers for my migraines left me in a zombie like state and I was feeling worse all the time. After trying 6 different meds for depression my doctor finally had some success.

I kept thinking that the worse had happened and things could only get better. This was just not true. I was becoming ever more aware that nothing would ever be the same again. I felt lost, hopeless, confused and guilty. I was so dedicated to my job that I starting feeling very guilty that I had not gotten back to work. I urge everybody to NOT walk down this road until you are ready because it can and will cause damage all on its own.

Isolation

I think most of us are thrilled to get home from a hospital stay. I was happy to be alive and more grateful than I have ever been in my entire life. My little dog Chloe greeted me with all the hugs and tailwags I so desperately needed and my partner at the time had the house all clean and ready.
 I spent most of the first month in bed waiting for my vision to be restored and praying for a speedy recovery. The phone calls started pouring in from my employer and my claims adjuster. My boss asked if I would be back to work in a couple of weeks. Huh?? I just had a brain injury!! The claims adjuster sent me so many forms my head was spinning. Did he not hear me when I said I couldnt see? How was I to read and fill out anything. This was really frustrating for me and caused a great deal of stress. I sank into a depression like never before and then the migraines kicked in. I had a few visitors here and there but everybody was working during the day so I was very lonely. I couldnt walk or see so laying in bed or on the couch had became my existence.
I started feeling very panicked wondering just how much damage had been caused. I had so many questions but no firm answers. I felt abandoned by people who I thought loved me and scared about my future.

I wanted Wendy back......

The Power of Words

During my stay in the hospital I was examined by two neurologists. One informed me that I should have a full recovery and there was no reason to think this should happen to me again. Great news I thought but to soon to celebrate. The other proceeded to tell me that she thought I had  two previous "mini strokes" and it was likely that another was in my future. WHAT?? Do these people not understand the power that their words carry? I was dumbfounded, scared, and very confused. These conflicting opinions would prove to cause me much worry and even bouts of paranoia for two years to follow. I tried to hang on to the idea that this was a one time event and I was going to recover completely but the haunting words of the second specialist were always sneaking up on me and wreaking havoc on my psyche. I left the hospital in a state of numbness and disbelief only to arrive back home to my "new" life......

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF
IT IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF

George Bernard Shaw

My Nightmare Begins

On that fateful morning I was awakened as usual by the glorious songs of all my backyard birdies. I opened my eyes and to my utter sheer surprise everything was just one big blurr. I swung my legs over the bed and planted my feet firmly on the ground. As I rose to my feet I no sooner collapsed to the floor. I had no balance whatsoever. The next thing I remember was being slumped over in a chair waiting to see the attending doctor in ER. It seemed like forever until a nurse came out into the waiting room and collected me. Even in my state of  being scared out of my mind, I remember thinking that I hoped nobody thought I was stoned on some drug. I was embarrassed. The doctor told me that I had a disease of the inner ear and there was medication to take for it. I was sooo relieved. He was just about to write me a prescription and send me on my way when he turned to me and said that he wanted to do a cat scan just to be sure.

One hour later he arrived back to my bedside with the results. You've had a brain bleed he said to me. I was shocked, scared and in disbelief. Was I going to die? How did this happen? My mind became flooded with so many questions and I soon discovered that the answers I was going to get would put me in a state of confusion instead of giving me some clarification.

My Faith in the Medical Community was about to diminish....

A new life on the Horizon

I  was losing hope that I would ever experience ONE full day of pure happiness and joy ever again. Miracles happen in a moment and I was more than ready to receive one. I was accepted into a new rehab program in November 2011 and this is the vessel that is helping me to transform my life. My wonderful counsellor Janelle Breese encouraged me to share my story and start my own blog so here I am!  Much of what I am going to share will be very familiar to many of you and others may get a glimpse into what is yet to come after suffering a brain injury. If I can provide information so that others will not suffer the unecessary grief I experienced then I am more than happy to share. Stay with me as I take you through the last two and a half years of my life. The transformation is remarkable and YES you can have a happy, fullfilling life again:)

One of my fav quotes:
Words are like snowflakes,
The softer they fall, the longer they stay